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I have been close companions with a woman, a person who's faced and conquered many obstacles, and I respect her for that. However, she's constantly caught off guard by others. Her husband walked away, which came as a huge shock. A lot of her social circle vanished then, since they had been drawn to her husband. This surprised her. She put in increased attention in our friendship, likely understood better the essence of true friendship.

A Recurring Theme With Friends Drifting Away

Throughout this period, many close to her vanished and she isn't knowing the cause. The company she worked for became hostile, even though she was highly competent, she departed unaware of the reason for the change.

Current Dynamics

Recently, we have each stepped back from work so we're spending frequent meetups, yet I realize my position in our friendship feels one-sided. I open subjects and she changes them to her own topics. In terms of politics, she holds unyielding views. I attempt to propose verifying facts and alternate views.

She has been planning a trip abroad I have traveled to many times even called home for a while. I attempted to share personal experiences, yet it was unappreciated. She really only wanted validation of her choices. I have come back from 30 days there and she wants to catch up, but I don't.

Evaluating the Situation

I don't want to be a friend who cuts and runs without explanation, however, I feel she'll truly understand the impact of how she acts on how I feel about myself. Currently, I find myself in distancing myself. What's the best step?

Potential Solutions

You could walk away, however, that approach is seldom the easy answer we imagine. Yet having a direct talk with a view to resolution demands strength and openness on both your parts.

Professional advice indicates trying a useful conflict resolution tool:

"Initially is to state how things go during your discussions. It should be objective and clear and essentially exactly what occurs. The second is to tell her how it affects you emotionally. Ideally, there's no argument about this. Emotions are valid, after all. Step three is to question how you are both will alter the dynamics in your relationship."

Keep in mind that she also has her own side, so you need to be prepared to hear that. One effective method involves stating her:

"Please share your thoughts and I'm going to not say anything for 30 minutes."

It's remarkably impactful to encourage mutual respect.

Final Thoughts

This person might reject your concerns, since certain individuals have a “survival narrative”: they have a version about themselves they're unable to release as it feels essential depends upon it and it's all they trust. This is difficult as there is no easy route with these people, just dead ends. Yet she could at first react this way before reflecting about what you've said. And should you don't achieve a resolution, it will give you closure that you've been open and direct.