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The current period marks a full decade since the term “vanishing” entered the public consciousness. At the time, the notion that someone could abruptly cease all contact with a romantic interest without explanation seemed like the height of indignity. We were so innocent. In the decade since, seeking a partner has only become more bewildering – an frequently unsuccessful pursuit in humiliation that is increasingly shaped by social media lingo.

Generation Z, a demographic who matured during a loneliness epidemic, a male identity reckoning, and a coordinated assault on the rights of women and the queer community, faces a infinitely more complex landscape than their Gen Y forerunners could ever envision. And so their dating lexicon has grown longer and more deranged, with phrases like “Ogre-ing” and “monkey branching” pushing the limits of your sanity.

What follows is a extensive glossary to the words Zoomers is using to talk about romance, intimacy and the quest of both. To channel one of the recent most viral memes, by the end of this guide you’ll long to get back to God’s country – because wherever that is, it doesn’t have “ideological catfishing”.

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A

Genuineness – In the view of gen Z, romance's ideal is showing up as your real, raw self. Good luck with that!

B

Bird theory – A online phenomenon connected to a test developed by relationship scientists, in which you mention something trivial – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and note whether your partner’s response is engaged or disinterested. If they show no desire to hear more about the bird, you two are headed for splitsville.

Black cat girlfriend – Gen Z’s rebuttal to the “quirky fantasy girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but rather than having baby bangs, liking indie music and avoiding commitment, the mysterious partner puts herself first while radiating enigma and self-sufficiency. (She may yet have that fringe.)

The Letter C

Support test – This refers to seeking out someone who supports you unprompted. If you walked into a room, they would get a seat for you to take a load off.

Errand romance – A meet-up where two people bond while doing chores, such as walking the dog or grocery shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped young adults do low-cost romance in a inflation-era world.

Emotional spiral – Having a breakdown when you feel burdened by life. You can crash out over a crush or breakup, spilling all of your unreciprocated emotions.

D

Dink – Two incomes, no children. Once a signifier of 80s young urban professional excess, it refers to partners who opt out of having children to focus on their own happiness. Or because they are unable to afford to become parents.

E

Vulnerable signaling – The antithesis of being guarded: practicing communication, transparency and openness.

The Letter F

Indicators

• Danger signals – Personal quirks indicating a potential partner is bad news. For instance calling their former partners crazy, bad tipping habits, a fondness for Woody Allen films, a burgeoning DJ career …
• Green flags – These actions confirm your decision to date a partner. For instance following up to make sure you got home safely after a date, low screen time, having a bed frame …
• Neutral quirks – These usually describe niche, mostly harmless idiosyncrasies. Such as being an keen birdwatcher, still keeping a biro in their bag, paying rent in physical money …

Shared obsession pairing – When you connect with someone who’s just as enthusiastic about films about the second world war or physical media hoarding or collaging or whatever it may be, as you. Or, conversely, finding someone who despises the same stuff or people that you do (few things builds closeness faster than sharing a nemesis).

The Letter G

Geese – A musical group your gen Z boyfriend listens to.

Ghostlighting – Someone who resurfaces into your life after a period of ghosting.

Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is friendly, accommodating and devoted. The uncommon boyfriend who is adored by all of his significant other's friends, and a mysterious partner's foil.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A mostly online subculture of men so preoccupied with self-pleasure that they attempt lengthy sessions, deliberately delaying climax so they can persist as long as possible.

H

Heterofatalism – A mindset describing many women's increasing despair toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

Manosphere archetype – An stereotype touted by manosphere figures: a woman who is attractive, ever-comforting and happily domestic, who apparently has no aspirations of her own other than satisfying her man partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to grasp the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

I

Ick factors – Random and often mundane repulsions that immediately kill any feelings of attraction.

“He would if he cared" – Something to remember after you watch someone else get an extremely sweet gesture.

The Letter J

Jobs – These have not been this crucial in the romance landscape since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “finance bro” is the ideal partner: a fleece-vest-wearing, conservative-leaning guy who will be a provider (there’s a hit TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd opt for partners in sectors they see as being staffed by the more nurturing among us: nurses, educators or counselors.

The Letter K

Making out – This year, researchers learned that the kiss has existed for 16 million years. But the era of kissing may be numbered since some Zoomers desire fewer intimate scenes in film, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find cinematic romance believable.

Kittenfishing – Slight exaggeration. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using older (better) pictures of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your job sound more impressive than it is. Also known as {